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How to handle a marriage reconciliation

Marriage reconciliation can be a difficult process if it’s not handled correctly

A woman holding a large bunch of red roses while hugging her newly reconcilied spouseIt is essential that you examine your relationship, not only at the time of your break up but also as it was prior to that event... Work out what went wrong, if you don’t already know, and determine if it's possible to rectify the problems that caused your break up in the first place.

If you don’t do this then you are setting off down the same path to another break up.

Be honest with your assessment when examining your prior relationship 

If there are things you are prepared to change in an effort to reunite with your husband or wife, boyfriend or girlfriend then change them. Of course it is entirely possible that 100 percent of the fault for the relationship break up may not have been yours.

However if you are the one to make the first move in trying to re-establish the connection you need to be able to demonstrate to your ex that you have accepted fault (or some of it) and are prepared to change in the interests of getting back together.

This subject is covered in detail in each of our recommended best marriage guides.

Getting back together... reconciling after separation or divorce

When it is time to approach your ex partner with the proposal to consider reconciling after a period of separation you need to decide how you are going to arrange a meeting.

You could simply take the bull by the horns and phone, or you could write, send an email, or text. In our experience these methods are not particularly effective. This is especially so with text communications as they can easily give the impression of being impersonal... Bear in mind that you are trying to "sell" yourself to your former partner.

Then there is the “chance meeting” whereby you accidentally bump into your ex at a place that you know they frequent.

Many of our clients have had mutual friends arrange a low key meeting… this is the method that we personally favor. The more mutual friends you have the easier this is going to be. In our experience there is probably always someone you can trust to eloquently convey the message on your behalf.

It pays initially just to have a quick, superficial chat. Check how they are getting along with life and ask if they’d like to do something non-committal, say coffee or a meal. The secret is to not make a huge thing of it, just re-establish contact and lay the groundwork for a future meeting.

Take care with your appearance. You need to pay attention to every detail of your looks, including your clothes, your hair, your shoes, your manners and so on.

Impressing your former spouse is vitally important at this early stage. Maintaining your appearance will show confidence and respect for yourself and for your ex.

Make a point in complimenting them… but be genuine. You are going to want to make sure that they feel good when they are around you if you really want to get them back.

Talk about the good times that you spent doing things together, bringing up good memories from the past… some of the best highlights from the days of your relationship, and enjoy the reminiscing while simultaneously working to achieve your marriage reconciliation objective.

Open up to your ex and if their feelings for you are rekindled, they will certainly let you know.

Some important tips when you meet

  • You may take responsibility for some of the problems in your relationship and vow to make amends but try hard to avoid apportioning blame for your break up... it can distract from your objective.
  • Be willing to undertake professional help in an endeavor to reconcile, if that's what your ex also wants. Even suggest it yourself if need be.
  • Act promptly on any actions that you both agree should be taken... don't for goodness sake procrastinate. Don't let concerns over trustworthiness sabotage your efforts to reconcile.

The process of marriage reconciliation at this stage may still require a lot of work on your part but given time and willingness on both sides, the chances of success will most certainly be greatly enhanced.

Unresolved issues are often the cause of marriage break ups. If that's the cause of disharmony in your relationship then take a look at this video it's entitled "From Broken Marriage To Reconciliation".

Sometimes it seems that no matter what you do to encourage a reunion with your former husband or wife, nothing appears to work and as time goes by restoring your once perfect marriage looks almost out of the picture.

Mirabelle Summers and Amy Waterman have written a guide to help in situations such as these... they have entitled it 2nd Chance.

2nd ChanceThey have compiled two separate "2nd Chance" guides, one for men and one for women.

The information contained in these guides is invaluable.

Take a look at the details by clicking on your preference below:

Men to find out more click here2nd Chance

Women to find out more click here2nd Chance